I’m learning daily to not make any plans and just let the day go the way it is going to go. Very restless and out of whack, it’s very hard to get on any kind of a schedule and even though things are getting better in some aspects of life; some things are getting further apart. Over the last few days, my dog has hardly responded to me. She usually does high-5, shakes, dances, plays and kisses me every little bit; the last few days none of that has happened.
I watch my dog every few minutes throughout the night until time for Annika and me to be awake, I close my eyes and count to 20 then open them count to 20 and repeat. The only time I’ve been able to somewhat rest in between 4am and 8 as long as my phone is on vibrate. I still dream about riding bikes and am trying to get the time or strength to even get on it as I can feel my muscles tightening and getting sore by the minute.
Today we hope to go for a bike ride, the plan is to meet up with John and then Annika, our son, and I will go for a 25-30 mile ride. The last attempt at this failed and quite possible today’s attempt will too, either way, fingers crossed.
Other than Annika being in my life there are not too many things that really hold my attention. With our dog ill it’s been really hard to do anything other than breath and honestly, that’s getting exhausting. I’ve installed a few game apps on my phone to help me pass the time and in reality, that’s all that’s happening, time is passing in hopes of something good soon. I didn’t eat Friday and Saturday it was hard to eat as well. Functioning now days has reached an all-time low. TV Shows that I love have become null, games I loved to play don’t hold my interest’ and looking at my bike makes me sad. I really hope that this black cloud goes away very soon.
I try to look at each day the best I can with high hopes and positivity, it’s just getting harder each day as I look into our dog’s eyes and no longer see her in there.
Some upsides to yesterday are our dog did perk up a bit and our son and his wife have been super helpful lately. Annika mixed up some special food for our cute loving furball and it got devoured.
The day was not at all a bad one, it’s just saddening to see our dog in the condition she is in.
I’m gonna try and start the day, hugs and many thanks for the support. Have an epic adventure day.
Update on this morning:
Due to the treatment and medications our dog is on at the moment and her reaction, we’re not going to be riding today. At one point our dog seems perky and the next she is not doing well. We’re staying by her the next few days to help her get through this in hopes of a good outcome. We are going to pick up a better fan for Zwift today, fingers crossed.