Daily I think about riding my bike however life is so different since we lost Marley. Each time I try to go to sleep I’m either woken by Pugsley, Lilith, or a dream of Marley and then I start to look through old photos of her. This has been going on since she passed and it took until now for me to realize just how much of me is no longer her since she’s gone.
I tried to start riding right away in hopes that it would help me to get through it though when I’m riding my mind is continuously wondering which makes me think of her and also everything that has taken place this year.
A few articles back I had mentioned that I’m tired of trying to get up and force myself to ride each day with a goal to reach “x” amount of miles and so on until this year is done, this still doesn’t make me not want to ride or think about it. My mind is riding a bike 24/7 I just can’t seem to get mentally clear enough on the days that I can and on the days I’m clear enough theres too much in the way.
Annika and Marley were and are everything that keeps the pieces of me from shattering and now that Marley is gone each day is a task just to have some sort of normalcy. Now we do have the munchkins and both of them remind me of Marley with every move they make. Pugsley has been the one to always be in my face when I’m thinking of her. He loves to let me know that he is there for me if I need him and to also let me know that to take my mind off of it and take him to go poop.
Right now my only focus is to simply make each day the best that it can be. The goal is to enjoy life and make an adventure from everything that takes place. I’ve been streaming again and it has been helping a lot, also Annika and I have been working on walking and running here and there. The light at the end of the tunnel is supposed to be on the way on Monday which is Pugsley’s new private trainer. This new trainer is supposed to be able to get Pugsley back to normal and help him do better in public so that we can hike and take him with us out of the house again. He has been doing much better indoors and Lilith is doing better also. We cannot wait to see how the new training goes.
The last few days we have been working with Pugsley on his training and commands, he is very smart. As long as no one comes near us then he does very well. If anyone comes near us, he is more than likely gonna eat them which is why I have to keep a tight grip on his leash at all times. He is very protective of us.
Okay, so I’m getting off-topic. A dream of Marley woke me at 8pm last night and since then I haven’t been able to get back to sleep. This tends to happen every night that I am able to get to bed early enough to get rested well. Since I was awake I checked out photos and videos of Marley as Pugsley noticed that I was sad so he came to play. He and I took a walk and played some ball outside several times until midnight when it was time to turn on the coffee. He helped me with finishing my waffles and he also got a small bite of my breakfast sandwich. Pugsley is a happy dog. My dream of Marley was her showing me that I needed to be happy and to enjoy the new munchkins. The things the two munchkins do each day to remind us of Marley will make a person go insane very quickly. The upside to all of this is one day at a time life is getting back on track, it’s just heartbreaking without Marley around.
Today’s plan is to get through the day and to stream later on our Twitch Channel. Hugs and many thanks for the support, have an epic adventure day. More to come later, sorry so short, I just need to stop typing about Marley for now.